MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM DAMON'S WORLD
Tuesday, 4 December 2007
Monday, 19 November 2007
New Stuff !!!
Damon's World is constantly being updated with new stuff all the time.
This week we have a great new video in the video section, a great new and very addictive game in the games section and a fantastic new London webcam on the webcam page.
So make sure you check them out
This week we have a great new video in the video section, a great new and very addictive game in the games section and a fantastic new London webcam on the webcam page.
So make sure you check them out
Tuesday, 6 November 2007
Some great lines from Tommy Cooper
1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said,
"No, the steaks are too high."
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."
13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."
15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night
2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said,
"No, the steaks are too high."
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."
13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."
15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night
Friday, 2 November 2007
Message Centre Update
Good News
If you now send a message to another member via the messaging service on Damon's World. The message will now remain in their inbox for 5 days.
Before it would only remain for 2 hours.
So why not going message someone and make a new friend.
Damon
If you now send a message to another member via the messaging service on Damon's World. The message will now remain in their inbox for 5 days.
Before it would only remain for 2 hours.
So why not going message someone and make a new friend.
Damon
Tuesday, 30 October 2007
Now access your messages on your mobile
Now you dont have to miss out on chatting to your friends when your out and about.
You can now login to your Damon's World message account directly from your mobile phone.
If you have an internet enabled mobile, just bookmark the following URL
Login and chat away whenever you like.
Have fun
Wednesday, 24 October 2007
A couple of funnies .....
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?, Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?, Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Tuesday, 23 October 2007
Weight Loss
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight lossprogram.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him avoluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in h is life. She is wearingnothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck thatreads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program 'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.''Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he findsa huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, your assis mine.
'He lost 63 pounds that week.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him avoluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in h is life. She is wearingnothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck thatreads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program 'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.''Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he findsa huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, your assis mine.
'He lost 63 pounds that week.
Monday, 22 October 2007
Updates
I have been very busy recently updating things on the site.
We now have some more photos, more videos and more games.
So make sure you check them out.
Remember, if you get any great stuff that would look good on the site, remember to send it to me.
Damon
We now have some more photos, more videos and more games.
So make sure you check them out.
Remember, if you get any great stuff that would look good on the site, remember to send it to me.
Damon
Saturday, 20 October 2007
Sunday, 30 September 2007
This will put you off scuba diving
READ THE TEXT BELOW BEFORE LOOKING AT THE PIC BELOW.
Family on holiday in Australia for a week and a half when husband, wife and their 15 year old son decided to go scuba diving.
The husband is in the navy and has had some scuba experience. His son wanted a pic of his mum and dad in all their gear so got the underwater camera on the go.
When it came to taking the pic the dad realized that the son look like he was panicking as he took it and gave he "OK" hand sign to see if he was alright.
The son took the pic and swam to the surface and back to the boat as quick as he could so the mum and dad followed to see if he was OK.
When hey got back to him he was scrambling onto the boat and absolutely sh1tting himself.
When the parents asked why he said "there was a shark behind you" and he dad thought he was joking but the skipper of the boat said it was true and that they wouldn't believe him if he told them what it was.
As soon as they got back to the hotel they put the pic onto the laptop and this is what they saw.
(Try and tell me you wouldn't have emptied your entire digestive system right at the point you saw it) and would you have stayed to take the picture??
See below
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Thieving Seagull
A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighborhood shop.
The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos.
Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds.
The seagull's shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen , Scotland , and helped himself to a bag of chips. Since then, he's become a regular..
He always takes the same type of chips.
Customers have begun paying for the seagull's stolen bags of chips because they think it's so funny.
Friday, 28 September 2007
Updates
Hi Boys and Girls
Now I am back from holiday and winter is fast approaching here in the UK, I will be spending some time over the next week or so updating the website with some new and exciting features.
So keep checking to see what I am up to.
Remember, if you have any ideas for the site, please let me know.
You can still become a featured member of the site and have your profile displayed on the front page of the site, so get in touch if you want to show yourself to millions.
Now I am back from holiday and winter is fast approaching here in the UK, I will be spending some time over the next week or so updating the website with some new and exciting features.
So keep checking to see what I am up to.
Remember, if you have any ideas for the site, please let me know.
You can still become a featured member of the site and have your profile displayed on the front page of the site, so get in touch if you want to show yourself to millions.
Friday, 7 September 2007
Holiday
Hi Guys and Girls.
I am off on holiday this weekend. I am off to lovely Gran Canaria for a week.
Chat to you all when I return.
Have fun and behave yourselves.
Thursday, 23 August 2007
Report Abusive Members
At Damon's World we have a zero tollerence policy when it comes to abuse. So if you ever get insulted by another member, then please report it.
We do not allow Homophobic abuse, bullying or any other kind of abuse.
If you need to report someone, please email
police@damonsworld.co.uk
Make sure you give details of the members name and what they have said.
We do not allow Homophobic abuse, bullying or any other kind of abuse.
If you need to report someone, please email
police@damonsworld.co.uk
Make sure you give details of the members name and what they have said.
Friday, 17 August 2007
All fixed
Hi Guys
Just to let you know, the message service has now been fixed.
Sorry for any inconvenience caused.
Just to let you know, the message service has now been fixed.
Sorry for any inconvenience caused.
Thursday, 16 August 2007
Messaging Problem
We are aware of a problem with Damons World Messaging Service.
The problem is being looked into. The messaging service should be up and running again soon.
We apologise for any inconvenience caused.
The problem is being looked into. The messaging service should be up and running again soon.
We apologise for any inconvenience caused.
Monday, 13 August 2007
New NASA Webcam
Damon's World now has a live NASA webcam.
You can now what live images from the space shuttle and international space station as well as NASA control back on the ground.
These amazing images are sure to blow you away. You can also watch NASA TV live directly from Damon's World.
Just go to the Webcam page.
Enjoy.
Wednesday, 8 August 2007
Funny Frog Joke
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.
The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.' She holds up the tiny pink elephant.
"I mean, what in the world is this? "The bank manager looks back at her and says..."
It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone."
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.
The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.' She holds up the tiny pink elephant.
"I mean, what in the world is this? "The bank manager looks back at her and says..."
It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone."
Friday, 3 August 2007
Have a good Pride ,but be careful.
Hi
For those of you that have heard about the potential protests at tomorrow’s Pride by the Christian Voice and the NF, please note that the police have the matter in hand and thank everyone that has made contact expressing their concerns
Christian Voice and the National Front have informed Sussex Police of their Intention to protest as they did last year, at the narrow entrance to Preston Park tomorrowIn the morning there is a meeting when the police will decide how to deal with the mean and nasty groups who intend to picket the pride procession and insult us with their abusive placards, and ensure that our lovely day of celebration is spoilt by their judgmental and homophobic viewpoints.
The word is out there, so please be careful, especially when the party begins – rumours of groups, drinks and potential violence may well be on the menu
Be safe and have a great Pride
See you there
Gino
Gay Surrey
The charity that takes action
For those of you that have heard about the potential protests at tomorrow’s Pride by the Christian Voice and the NF, please note that the police have the matter in hand and thank everyone that has made contact expressing their concerns
Christian Voice and the National Front have informed Sussex Police of their Intention to protest as they did last year, at the narrow entrance to Preston Park tomorrowIn the morning there is a meeting when the police will decide how to deal with the mean and nasty groups who intend to picket the pride procession and insult us with their abusive placards, and ensure that our lovely day of celebration is spoilt by their judgmental and homophobic viewpoints.
The word is out there, so please be careful, especially when the party begins – rumours of groups, drinks and potential violence may well be on the menu
Be safe and have a great Pride
See you there
Gino
Gay Surrey
The charity that takes action
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